Random Mumbling

Do you ever read posts on your favorite sites and instantly get annoyed? Do you read what people are saying and wonder if they are really doing what they say they are doing or going to do? Maybe I am getting older because I seem to be getting really annoyed a lot faster.

Facebook – I do love Facebook because I stay connected with my family and friends much easier with the site. However, today for example I read where someone is having some health issues. I read where people are saying, “were praying for you”, “adding you to our prayer wheel”, “keeping you in our thoughts and prayers“. Hmmm

I know some of the commenting people and I’m thinking, yeah right liars! Am I being too harsh? I just want to respond and ask if they are really praying. Or is your post meant to stick your name on the wall of the person that posted and asked for prayers. Why does this annoy me so much?

I read Joe’s comment where he said he is keeping our mutual friend in his prayers. I know Joe, I know that the only thing he prays about is if he will have enough money to buy his beer for the night. But do I really know that or do I just think I do? Hmm..

I remember approaching Joe and his lovely wife in November of 2011 and asking if they would like to join us for a small group. We wanted to create a circle of people who would be interested in having a light meal and a study on Bill Hybels Becoming A Contagious Christian book study. Joe had laughed at me and had said the only praying he does is when he takes his first swallow of beer and say’s, “Oh thank God”.

Perhaps Joe has had a change in his life and he really does pray now. Praying is done in many ways I know. Perhaps when Joe say’s he’s praying for her he really is saying he’ll keep her in his thoughts.

We all see or read things that could annoy or disturb us perhaps this post has done that to you. This is random I know and I’m probably mumbling a lot.

Do you ever read postings and wonder about the reader?

W.

 

Single Parents – A Tender Spot In My Heart

I just read a post Child Custody and Divorce in the blog About The Children LLC. A great blog with a plethora of information.

I never knew how hard single parenting was until I went through it myself. I looked and looked for a support group to help me cope and I could never find one. We did have a support group at our church; however, we both attended the same church and I felt uncomfortable sharing.

A divorce leads to unfamiliar territories with so many struggles. The division is not only with the children. The division is felt on so many levels. Now we have division of property, finances, choices, decisions, friends & emotions. It’s no longer two people making a life and living. It’s now one person making it all happen and trying to create a home. It’s tough to do on a single income. Feelings of inadequacy and depression can set in very quickly after a divorce.

There is a misconception that child support establishes visitation. There is no correlation between the two. This is something I heard first hand by my attorney. Of course this could have changed since 2001. I’ll go into my child support case in a different post. Child support while it’s granted by the courts is not a definite. Depending on the employment status of your ex you may or may not receive support. It’s best not to depend on it.

My snip it …

I counted on those support checks, it was the only way I was going to make a home for our family, at least that’s what I used to think. Those checks were going to be the only way we were going to have some resemblance of the life we used to have. My mistake was thinking that I was going to be able to live in the same life style I was accustomed to. The same life style my ex accustomed us to live in.  Not the case, in fact, we took a nose dive, a spiraling downward turn in a face down auger motion that wouldn’t stop till we hit rock bottom or what I would call rock bottom.

After two support checks, they stopped coming. He bounced around different jobs and didn’t have a steady income, so we in turn didn’t have a steady child support check.

It took the help of another single parent to help me, to give me a hand up, to make me realize that the only way I was going to make it was to depend on myself. Family is great, but sometimes family is the first to cast stones. I love my family they are great. But for many reasons I chose not to share details. I chose not to paint an ugly picture of him. Trust me, it’s very hard not to fall into that, “he is the worst man”, syndrome.

We received two support checks, just two. He no longer had a steady job or income. Through the next four years, I believe we received an additional couple of checks. I didn’t pursue it further. I was done fighting, I was done with so much negativity. I was just ready to move on. The situation got worse when the family found out I was not receiving support. Seriously, what’s a parent to do, what choice do we have? Sure, I could have gone to court again and asked for him to pay; but, he didn’t have a job. He had no way of providing for the girls.

Just because he couldn’t pay support didn’t mean he didn’t get to see the girls. I made sure he was informed of school functions, activities, and grades. I made sure he was told of anything relating to the girls. Visitation is a whole other page in our saga. Needless to say he stopped coming and the girls stopped wanting to go. I forced them as long as possible just like I force those phone calls. In the end it was his fail. He stopped calling, showing up, and showing interest. Again, I was done fighting, I was done trying, I was just done. So I stopped being the inviting one.

I have a tender spot in my heart for single parents. Ay no, unless you’ve been a single parent you don’t understand those struggles. You wouldn’t understand the hard choices we are forced to make to ensure our children are safe, protected, and fed. There is hope and there is help. The trick is knowing who to ask and knowing where to look. But, help there is.

Do you know a single parent? Did you know you can help with simple gestures? I loved my neighbors and friends. Esther for her constant plate of cookies, Sam & Danielle for showing me how to start my mower and mow. Tony for teaching me how to check the air in my tires and how to use the air machine at the gas station, for teaching me to check the oil and fluids in my car. Mary for her gift of my first tool box with the basic tools in them. Sarah, for my first set of jumper cables and teaching me how to use them.

I have a tender heart for single parents.

W.

 

 

Spanking In The Early Years

Ha! I know spanking is such a controversial subject. Some parents believe in spanking and other’s believe in alternative method’s of disciple. I’m not a healthcare professional or any kind of professional to know what the real detriments of child spanking really are. If any.

Photo credit: http://snooperreport.com/snooper-report?currentPage=55

I am however a parent who believes in a regular beating. Did I just make your jaw drop? Just messing with you. I am a parent that believes in spankings. Not beatings mind you, but a good spanking. I tried not to use my hands because I am a strong woman and I was afraid of hurting the girls. But I did use Frank. Frank was the belt that hung on the inside of the guest closet. It was not to be touched by anyone but the person being punished. The girls knew when it was coming and when they had gone to far. Spanking was not a regular thing at our house but it did happen.

When I was younger I was a good kid to a point. I know I deserved all those spankings I got. Let’s be real here, my beautiful mother didn’t particularly use a belt or paddle, she’d use what ever was close to her. Spanking in the early years was different from what it is today. I don’t believe a child is allowed to be spanked now a days. If I remember correctly I was spanked with:

• A belt
• A wooden spoon
• A flip-flop
• A piece of water hose
• A hanger
• I had to pick my switch if one was not readily available

I remember sitting on the floor and scooting my bottom across the floor to rub the pain out from the belt whooping I had just gotten. I remember being 13 years old and getting into my grandpa’s liquor cabinet and having a good time with that. My mom happened to be walking in when I was gulping a can of Schlitz beer. Oops… when she asked me what the hell I thought I was doing, I calmly said drinking grandpa’s beer. She asked me to put it down and go home. She had used that dreadful low tone voice of hers. I knew I was in trouble. Just to make sure, I asked her if I was in trouble and if she was going to beat me. She said I would find out as soon as we got home. I knew that meant yes, so I finished the beer before walking out the door sideways. All the while mom was staring at me with this incredulous and murdering look on her face.

Yes, I deserved it. The same with when i was 8 and I wanted a pickle from the local dime store. Mom wouldn’t buy it for me so I threw a fit in the store and kicked a rack down that was displaying sun flower seeds. My mortified mother grabbed my arm and took me outside to my grandpa’s old Falcon car. I must have loved trouble when I was younger, that or it just followed me around.

Spankings in the old day’s sure were different. Did you ever get spanked? Do you have a vivid memory of a spanking and would you like to share?

W.

 

 

 

The Dreaded Phone Call

Christmas time is a bit rough for all of us. The girls get sad and upset because they are away from the family festivities and they miss their sister and brother. Then I see them tear up and of course I tear up. My husband sees me tearing up and he get’s upset that I’m upset. Ugh – a viscous cycle. Emotions run high and deep in this family. You’d think I was going through menopause this past holiday season. Whew…

In our family, the worst part of the holiday is the dutiful phone call that must take place. I see it in their faces, one daughter enjoys calling her dad; but, tires so easily of his conversation that she ends within 5 minutes. The youngest daughter doesn’t really have a relationship with him and as she says, “mom you force me to call him”. Her face tightens up and she gets this wrinkle right above her brow line between her eyes. That’s the sign of stress I see in my little 12 year old.

It’s difficult to explain. I don’t force them to make that phone call because he asked or make them visit because the courts demand it. I force them because I don’t want them to live with regret when they get older. They are way too young to decide whether or not they will call or visit him. So, I choose for them.

Al, our 22 year old lives 45 minutes away from him. When she was younger until the age of 17 and graduated high school, she was also forced to visit and call her dad. As she got older it became quite clear that she had no respect for him. This past Christmas was the first year that she didn’t reach out to him. She hurt a little she said but she was ok. She says she knows how it is and what it will be. She’s accepted and made peace with it. The sad thing is that he didn’t reach out to her either. Such a sad and twisted way to be.

We currently live half way around the world and have installed Skype on each computer, text plus app’s on hand held devices, even have an iPhone so they can all iMessage each other. It’s a great setup and communication can easily be done. Wish it was utilized more.

For those of you in similar situations, do you force your kids to call the other parent? Do you force them to visit? What are your thoughts?

The squirrel photo has no relevance or significance in the story line; but, I liked it and decided to add it.